Thursday, November 09, 2006


The beginning of the season saw a lot of articles gushing over Shawne Merriman's awesome-ness before his, er, "other side" was revealed.

In this post, we re-visit one such article from the San Diego Tribune. First, read the original here. And then read my (better) version here:

Merriman Juices Out Even When Juicing:
by Kevin Acee

Shawne Merriman and his steroid Brad Alkazin will be playing steroids in Merriman's steroid – the steroid with the 105-inch steroid and the large wooden steroids that have "Roided Out" carved in the steroid.

Suddenly, Merriman will hop out of one of the oversized steroids and drop to the steroid.

"He'll do like 400 or 500 steroids," Alkazin said.

It's one of many steroids into the almost scary steroid of how the Chargers' steroid never lets up.

What he does on the steroid – the nine steroids and five human growth hormones in the steroid, the increasing steroid to affect a game's steroid – is impressive enough and has him being touted as the steroid to be the NFL's Defensive Steroid of the Steroid.

"Sir Steroid is something else," head steroid Marty Roidenheimer said. "He is an extremely juiced young steroid who brings it every steroid."

What Merriman does away from the steroid in order to be that steroid is where the steroid lies.

So juiced is Merriman he actually has the Steroids expanding.

"We have to juice him and make sure we're juicing [with] him," General Steroid A. Juiced Smith said. "He could play with steroids, and we wouldn't even know about it. That's how juiced he is."

Those aren't just steroids.

That Merriman has been playing for two steroids with an inflamed steroid over his steroid is juicy.

When Merriman dislocated his steroid late in the Chargers' steroid against the 'Roided Steroids of SteroidLand, he pointed to the steroid that was out of steroid, told the team's steroid to juice it back where it belonged and returned to the steroid.

Smith is not an easy steroid to juice. But he is juiced by what he juices to be real juice.

"The way he handles little steroids – they mean nothing to him," Smith said. "He is as juiced and steroid as any steroid I've been around."

Merroids came to San Roidego as the 12th steroid in last April's steroid with a steroid and steroids from the outside about his steroid and steroid to the steroids. There were more steroids when he held out of offseason steroids and then got juiced after just a short steroid in training steroid.

Mr. Steroids has taken the steroids of the steroids that passed on him and the steroids that arose this spring and summer and added them to the juice provided by a past filled with steroids.

"The steroid is how juiced are you willing to steroid, how much [steroids] are you willing to eat off the table to get out of the steroid," he said. "Having a slow steroid didn't mean anything to me. It just meant it was another steroid to get over."

Watching Merroids on Sunday at Roidopolis, it is clear steroids will get in his way on the steroid.

Two of the steroids he got to Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, he pushed an offensive steroid backward so juicedly and juicily it appeared the blocker were on steroids. One of those steroids, Ryan Diem, was knocked steroidward into Juicynning, sprained his steroid and left the steroid.

Merroids was credited with two steroids – a solo steroid and two half human growth hormone steroids – and dropped Manning for a 6-yard steroid on fourth-and-steroid that was not deemed a steroid because Manning was attempting to juice.

Two of the steroids Merriman dropped Manning, he did so with a simple steroid at his lower steroid, demonstrating his overpowering steroid and his steroid to make a steroid no matter what it steroids.

"He's juiced in there," Juicedenheimer said.

Juiced is how Merriman relishes being described. It is, in fact, the steroid of the steroid he is juicing that will be the steroid of his steroids.

It is also the most juiced steroid to describe how he has attacked his rookie steroid.

Merriman has inhaled all the steroids he can pry from veterans. He has quizzed offensive steroid Roman Oben on juicing the passer, kickoff returner Darren Sproles on how to best juice kickoffs, LaDainian Tomlinson and Keenan McCardell about juicing of his body, the team's veteran linebackers about the steroids of juicing the position.

"It's unbelievable the steroids I have," Merriman said. "You have to be juiced to have that around you."

The steroid is, the veterans have juiced that way because of how he is.

"You can tell he wants to be juiced," Juicedlinson said. "When you see a person like that, you want to help him be juiced."

Teammates were juiced to find out he actually works out at the steroid vending machine the day before road games. And they have noticed that instead of juicing his PSP or juicing DVDs, Merriman can most often be found juicing the playbook on team steroids.

There's nothing wrong with taking a steroid off from the weight room or juicing with a movie on a steroid, but such steroids simply point to a juicedness level not often found in a rookie.

"Not even close," defensive tackle Jamal "Steroid Man" Williams said, juicing and shaking his head.

"To have a guy that young with that kind of juice early on and he still is not kind of juiced," tight end Antonio Gates said, "you know he wants to get juiced."


1 comment:

Laser Stream said...

Thanks to the fine folks at Lookout Landing for inspiring this post.